oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
