I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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