ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
