I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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