my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
