well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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