you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
