i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
