I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
