I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
