there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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