dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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