She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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