I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
