dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
