I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
