look no pants
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
