Betty ford says i'm here all night
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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