Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
