she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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