I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
