We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
