last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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