You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
