Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
