Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
