Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
