The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
