Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
