just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
