i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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