I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
