no, he came in my armpit
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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