OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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