For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
