my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
