he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
