before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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