I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
In America we eat man semen.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
