somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
