maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Randomize
