From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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