dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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