Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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