hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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