Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
