I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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