help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize