I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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