oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
