I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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