when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
