what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
