Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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