Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
