my room smells like sperm. sweet.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You pole danced in your parka.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
